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Home > Parenting the Adopted Adolescent > Parenting the Adopted Adolescent-Typical Adolescent Behavior
Parenting the Adopted Adolescent
3. Typical Adolescent Behavior Adolescence is a trying time of life for both teenagers and their families. The physical aspects of adolescence—a growth spurt, breast development for girls, a deepening of the voice for boys—are obvious and happen quickly, whereas mental and emotional development may take years. The main challenge for teenagers is to form their own identity—an achievement not nearly as simple as it sounds. It means, according to adoption experts Kenneth W. Watson and Miriam Reitz, that teenagers must define their values, beliefs, gender identification, career choice, and expectations of themselves. In forming an identity, most adolescents try on a variety of personas. They look for, imitate, and then reject role models. They examine their families critically— idolizing some people, devaluing others. They shun or embrace family values, traditions, ideas, and religious beliefs. Sometimes they have enormous self-confidence; sometimes they feel at loose ends and think of themselves as utterly worthless. They may believe something one day, and then change their minds and think the opposite the next day. Ultimately, they must come to terms with the big questions: Who am I? Where do I belong? Teenagers are acutely aware that they are growing away from their families. As they look for ways to demonstrate their individuality, they often take on the values, beliefs, and actions of others their age or of celebrities they admire. Even though they are trying to set themselves apart from their families, they often want to look, act, and dress just like their friends. Teenagers are still dependent on their parents, however, and may veer back and forth between striking out and staying close. "Parents should realize," write Jerome Smith and Franklin Miroff in their book You're Our Child: The Adoption Experience, "that the adolescent is primarily a child and not an adult, except in the biological sense. Emotionally, he is still as dependent on his parents as always." It is not surprising, therefore, that disagreements between parents and teenagers occur. Adolescents want independence, yet they are unsure how much freedom they can really handle. Parents want their teens to move toward self-sufficiency but often are reluctant to give up control. Teenagers are confused about their futures, and parents are anxious about who or what their sons and daughters will become. Adolescents wrestle with issues of sexuality and spend time thinking about and wishing for romantic relationships. Parents worry about their teenagers' choices of partners and friends. Often, parents don't know what advice to give or how to give it. These kinds of tensions generally characterize the parent–teen relationship. There are additional issues for teens who came to their families through adoption.
This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. |
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